Childless · Lifestyle · Women

Eighteen and not able to have children.

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It all went to pot a bit during my first year at University.  I was studying Geography at London University ( yes folks, I have a degree in colouring in a map ) and had abandoned the pub to come home for a few days to visit my parents.

A horrific car accident saw Dad in a life threatening condition with severe head and chest injuries and myself with a broken back.  Dad, who was first thought to be brain damaged and unlikely to survive, made a full recovery.  Years of suffering, operations and eye sight problems besieged him but he is made of tough stuff my Dad and now you would not know there had ever been a problem.  When having the first operation to rebuild his face with metal and put his eyes back in my Mum was asked for a photo of Dad for the surgeon so they knew what to aim for.  Years later she asks herself why she did not take a picture in of George Clooney but not to worry.  My Dad is as healthy and vibrant as ever.  Couple that with my Mum’s recovery from breast cancer and Dad going on to be diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitus and it is a miracle they are here at all.

As for me, I broke my back.  The first bone I had ever broken.  I don’t do things by halves.  Flat bed rest in hospital and then a plaster jacket for 12 weeks made for a tricky time passing my first year at University.  Pass it I did, missing only a few weeks and went back whilst still in plaster, barely able to open a door let alone sit in a lecture for more than ten minutes.

At the time I had a fragment of bone in my spinal cord.  I was extremely lucky to be walking and when at the age of 18 I was told it would be dangerous to have children due to the pressure on the cord and I got used to the idea that I would remain childless.

At 18 I had more important things to worry about and always told myself that if I suddenly woke up one morning desperate to have children then I would look into options such as adoption.  I continued my life, finished University, got my teaching qualification, taught a year 2 class for six years, fell in and out of love, became a Paramedic and married my now Hubby in 2010.  During this time that moment never came.

Around 2011 I had a minor accident at work and had a scan on my back.  The bony fragment in my spinal cord had gone, been absorbed by the body and there was now no obstacle to having a family.  Except that there was.  I was 34 and that day where I woke up desperate to have children had not happened…….and has still not happened.

When around my friends with children, or at 3pm during my teaching days when it was time to give them back, whilst I had enjoyed a jolly nice time thank you very much, dressed up as Winnie the Witch and watched Wind in the Willows, I felt relieved and in no way ready to have my own.  I suppose I must be essentially a selfish person but then aren’t we all in some way?  Those who have children do it to fulfill a need they have to bring new life into the world and nurture just as I do not have a need to do that.  I fulfill my need to nurture and be useful in other ways.

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